By: LaToya NaShae
“One of my greatest fears is being successful at everything except being loved by a man who is not intimidated by my success.”
She said it. I couldn’t believe she actually said it! My friend’s words had me wide-eyed and at a loss for words. I sat there in awe of how her truth - the realness of her inner battle - mirrored my fight with the same fear. Neither of us doubts that the best is yet to come professionally; however, this one nagging fear leads us to wonder if our personal lives will languish under the weight of our accolades. And it isn’t just the two of us with this worry. We are far from anomalies when it comes to loving the Lord and excelling in our endeavors while experiencing an extended stay in singleness. Sadly, this concern even grips the heart of my goddaughter as she envisions the future, and she is only fifteen!
From where does this fear arise?
Why does it seem as innate as our melanin?
When did it become a battle to be bold, brilliant, and blissfully booed up in holy matrimony?
Maybe you are wrestling with the same notion. You are virtuous and valuable and oh so tired of hearing, “Why are you still single?!?!” Your life isn’t on pause. As a matter of fact, you flow in your lane, ascending from one level of glory to the next. You delight yourself in the Lord and flourish in purpose, but that does not stop you from wondering why the desire of your heart for marriage and a family has not manifested. I feel you, sis. Trust me; I do.
Girls’ trips and passport stamps don’t stop. Serving inside and outside the walls of the church is an embraced norm. Still, our hearts yearn to spend a couple of forevers with that special someone. Well-meaning loved ones and even a few strangers offer words of encouragement like, “God is preparing him for you,” and, “The right one will find you in due time.” The problem is that over time, we have grown weary of hearing these words.
10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. (Proverbs 31:10-11)
The fear experienced by my friend and me and so many other women of color feels very much real. Nevertheless, there comes a time when we must step outside of our feelings and look inward. My coach often challenges me to consider what is true versus what is Truth. It is true that the narrative in my mind had me married with children before age thirty-five. The Truth is that the Holy Spirit spent this year graciously deconstructing the bondage of self-sufficiency - a stronghold that developed from a root of rejection that ran far deeper than I could have ever known.
The Truth is that prior to the difficult soul work of these past months, I wasn’t as ready as I thought. The pressures of becoming one would have caused self-sabotaging insecurities to rise to the top. Thankfully, a delay is not denial. The blessing of time is that it provides us the opportunity to look deeper, heal fully, and surrender completely to the Lord’s perfectly timed plan.
About LaToya NaShae :
Coach LaToya NaShae's passion and purpose are equipping others to shift from existing to living. Through speaking, writing, and coaching, she journeys with individuals to transform their mentality, identify their God-given purpose, and gracefully navigate transitions and trials to live unstuck, unbound, UNBREAKABLE lives in Christ! Learn more about her on her website, or by connecting on Instagram.